This morning I had a CBT moment whilst watching “Teletubbies” with my 2-year-old.
Firstly, Po had a red balloon. Previously, this would have filled me with dread and suspicion about Po’s intentions with said balloon, but this morning I was fine just watching it and not really paying much attention.
Secondly, on the bit where they look at their tummy screens, the footage today was some children playing amongst numerous red balloons in varying sizes. Kids and balloons has always been a “get away now fast!” trigger for me, regardless of what they’re doing. And although it was on screen and unplanned, I was comfortable to watch these children running amongst, squeezing and in one instance bursting these balloons.
Watching videos on YouTube has obviously been helping; I am gradually making my way up an hierarchy of which are to me frightening situations in order to expose myself to them in a controlled manner.
So far I have been able to handle balloons that haven’t been blown up, watch videos of balloons being burst on YouTube and be in an environment where balloons are being used as decor with nobody touching them. I also have a few balloons in my home, one of which I blew up and tied off last night myself.
I am also awaiting a phone call from the anti-social behaviour officer of the city council; had a few problems with our next door neighbour which has hit my anxiety button like a freight train. I have a hole in one of my back garden fence panels at the moment which husband has managed to cover somewhat with a heather-effect screen.
Tonight I have a meeting with a Livewell advisor, because physical health is so important to mental health and it’s time I got back in the gym again. I haven’t felt up to running for a little while but going to the gym and working on this mum-tum will hopefully give me some focus and me-time. So that’s where we are for now. Hoping the double buggy will arrive today so I can give it a test run later, hopefully minus all the rain that’s currently throwing itself from the sky though!