So tonight I am going to briefly talk about maternity leave with the littlest small and how my mental health and wellbeing has changed since his arrival in January.
It’s funny, with my oldest despite the fact the childirth was quite traumatic, I felt fine in myself afterwards; aside from the usual new-parent anxieties (and getting the hang of breast feeding which I swear nearly broke me!) I managed and that was that. This time, despite the lovely planned section and easy recovery, I developed such ridiculous anxiety made worse by the sometimes erratic behaviour of our next door neighbour that I’m glad to be returning to work and having some semblence of normality! I say returning to work; I’ll still be with the children every day but actually working and earning money rather than waiting for the weekend when husband will be off with us.
Also, despite the fact that I have felt at my most mentally vulnerable in a long time, I have also been making strong, positive changes both by undertaking CBT (yep.. need to keep working on this) and transforming by health and body through diet and exercise. I have lost over 1,5 stone to date, another stone to go until I reach my short-term target. In some ways my mind feels stronger, in others it feels like it’s still healing.
I don’t feel sad that my maternity leave is over and the littlest is 7 months. I know that I am incredibly lucky, however, to be able to have a job where I can still be with the smalls all day and I have my mother to thank for that so much; the sacrifice she is making not only by helping me qualify for this type of employment but giving p one of her places so that in effect one of my boys can have free childcare.
And I also can’t believe the privilidge that other parents are going to trust me to care for their most precious things, their children. Quite overwhelming when i think about it, but it’s a new challenge and I’m ready to throw myself into it. I realise how lucky I am and the boys are. Here we go!