So here’s the longer version of the welcome page.
In a nutshell, I’m a 31-year-old mum of two currently on maternity leave whilst the youngest is still weeny. I am struggling a lot with anxiety and depression, though consider myself to be quite high functioning with it for the most part. I do, however, definitely feel like my symptoms have got worse since the birth of my second son.
As well as this, and perhaps even as a result of (though I’ve had it for so long I honestly couldn’t tell you which came first) I have a phobia of balloons. Specifically, balloons bursting or other loud, unanticipated sounds like fireworks or pyrotechnics. It is only in the last couple of months, after a failed attempt 6 years ago, I have started undertaking CBT again to help me with this, as well as tackling the many maladaptive thought patterns I have picked up over the years. On my CBT journey, I have discovered further helpful concepts such as overcoming Distress Tolerance which led to the discovery of mindfulness thinking, and I feel need somewhere to just put it all together to make sense of and see how far I have come.
Since undertaking CBT, I have been carrying out behaviour experiments and at time of starting this blog I can confidently handle balloons which aren’t blown up, watch You Tube videos of people playing with and popping balloons and got as far as blowing up and securing a balloon at home myself. I also have balloons in a few rooms around the house – although I try and hide them from my toddler because kids with balloons is a current trigger I haven’t overcome yet!
So as I work towards having more control over my emotions and subsequent behaviour, I’m looking to celebrate the highs, acknowledge the lows and live the in-betweens.