Thanks to those who are still with me, it has been a few months since my last post. I am holding the fort solo so this may well take all morning to write. Rather than summarise the last few months, let’s have a look at what’s happening now and what’s relevant to this blog.
The main difficulty I am having at the moment is with the biggest small. He started nursery part time in September; and two weeks prior to that he all of sudden decided he wasn’t going to use the potty or toilet anymore. Fast forward to this week, and despite my plan of revisiting toilet training alas it was not to be, so looks like we’re going to be waiting until Christmas before braving the pants again. Disheartening? Yes. End of the world? No. He still fits in pull-ups and nappies at night. I guess I mainly feel disappointed because he was independently taking himself to the toilet over summer and then just regressed 10 weeks ago.
Littlest small is having a bit of a skin flare-up at the moment; he had to be seen in the children’s emergency department earlier in the month because his eczema got really bad and the poor dude ended up on antibiotics and steroid cream. It’s still something we have to keep an eye on and meanwhile have to cover him in thick ointment twice a day which husband particularly dislikes as he hates the texture! Can’t say I blame him.
Small people aside, I have noticed how Mindfulness has been effective at helping me cope with balloons and fireworks in social situations recently. Last weekend I was enjoying a girly night with my lady friends, we were sat in the back garden with a fire blazing and there were firewoeks going off at random times throughout the evening. They weren’t particularly loud, and the amaretto being consumed may have helped calm to nerves but it felt like a big step. Then the following day, as a family we went with out good friends for lunch at a pub in town and there were balloons all over the place (as decorations, not where people could play with them) and I didn’t bad an eyelid as I walked in and had an anjoyable meal. I soon forgot about the balloons, and if any burst whilst I was there I certainly didn’t notice. Since my operation I have neglected my mindfulness studies somewhat so have made a conscious effort recently to get more into it.
One of my short term goals is to get back into diet and exercise; I hve recently purchased a years’ membership to both Slimming World Online and the gym and neither are going very well, a month in. I have been too lenient with myself when it comes to eating and not exercising so realise i need to incorporate mindfulness and more self disciplne to make this investment work for me, starting, well, today.
I’m trying to make a conscious effort to think before I eat about if I am hungry and if what I am going to be putting in my body is worth it and try and take some steps aorund the house to stay active. This may prove challenging with a clingy small but will do my best!
Can anyone else identify with me here; my diet is currently pretty poor (not overall,more the fact I tend to binge on ridiculous crap in the evening) resulting in me being overweight. However on the flip side, I now work out at least every other day and run 10k per week over 2 evenings so I am probably physically fitter and stronger than I have ever been.
I feel good, my mental health is good but no difference on the scales or with the way my clothes fit! This is why I currently identify with, and like the term “fit fatty”. Yes, my body shape is… Bluntly speaking..fat. But I am a lot fitter and stronger than many ladies I know who have a more slender figure, so I feel more confident about my size knowing that, my love of pizza and carbs aside, I am actually pretty healthy otherwise.
I am not naive, I know I need to make more of a conscious effort to say NO to popcorn, massive portions of noodles and take away food especially if I want to see a difference on the scales. And the surgery I require is most likely a direct effect of having a poor diet over the years. Hands up, I need to take more responsibility especially as a mother.
But that doesn’t change that I feel confident, am learning to say ” f**k it” to any negative feelings on my part about my shape and I know that I am myself and not the sum of what others think of me. Also, I can run. 🙂
Since my last post, I have generally been feeling a lot happier and brighter. Husband is embarking on his dream of starting a PhD in October, and my own academic aspirations look to be partly fulfilled next September as I am hoping to start my MSc in Psychology! It will be difficult both mentally and financially, with the added challenge of two small children but we want to do it so much so I will be sharing that journey here no doubt.
In addition, I was in touch with my former undergraduate superisor and my independent study has been accepted for publication in an actual psychology journal! Exciting!
An update on my 32@32: things hadn’t been going so well until Friday just gone when I ran my first 5k in ages. I have also been trying to meditate each day for 10 mins and find it really relaxing. Tonight I did fitness blender (on YouTube)’s 30 minute kettle bell beginner workout and am proud to say I am sat here in my own sweat having successfully completed it and enjoyed it. Definitely ready for a bath though!
I have a wedding to attend in 2 weeks and anothrr in just under 3 weeks. If I want to fit into my planned outfits this needs to continue!
A much better week at Speech and Language group for toddler today, and a very helpful and positive chat with the health visitor. I have felt generally more energised today, and have remembered to read through my affirmations I posted about yesterday. Still going with it though!
I am on day 14 of the 30 day full body toned workout challenge.
180 Jumping Jacks DONE (130,50)
135 squats DONE
11 push-ups DONE
75 crunches DONE (managed about 50 or so in a row and then had to have a couple of pauses)
1min 30 plank DONE (1min, 30 secs)
2min 20 wall-sit DONE (over 3 attempts, really felt the burn tonight!)
One of the affirmations I posted about yesterday is “I choose my own goals and my criteria for success in reaching those goals” My goal is to complete this 30 day challenge, though I know it’s OK if I don’t manage 30 consecutive days. And I allow myself to complete the exercises in stages, over the course of the day if necessary. As long as I do the correct amount of exercises for the right amount of time I feel it successful.
I may have mentioned before, when performing any kind of exercise when it gets hard I try a mindful approach, feeling and embracing the pain and difficulty to try and bear it for longer and push myself. It’s still difficult but definitely noticing a difference, which is why I note down how many attempts it takes me to reach each goal e.g. performing a 1min 30 plank in 2 sittings.
Something else I am proud of myself tonight; I watched “The Walking Dead” with no snacks apart from my between-exercise amaretti biscuits. Wow that makes me look like I have some kind of food problem! Ha!
Yeah, I was enjoying an amaertti biscuit after every completed exercise. Makes me feel like I earned them! So that was today’s update. Still trying to work on “I accept what happens to me without frustration”!